If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
