i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
