...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
