I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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