You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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