I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
