i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
