Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
