remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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