I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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