Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
He passed out mid-signature
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
