I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
