after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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