He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm both gender and math confused
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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