Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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