We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
