he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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