You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
