Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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