I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
