So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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