Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
