I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
