I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
