Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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