So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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