My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
