i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
