so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
