she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
