Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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