SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I smell stomach acid.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
