are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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