Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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