you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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