i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
