May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
