i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
