you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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