I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
