Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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