Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
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