My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
