Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
