There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
