The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
