I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
