So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
