How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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