When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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