i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
