Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
