i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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