Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Well I just put wine in my tea
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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