I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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