she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
