Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
