That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
