I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
