Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
