Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
